Podcast #72 My Funniest Dream

Published in the category General Practice, Humor, Lesson Exercises PDF

Lesson Exercises

Welcome to Podcast #72 of ESL Aloud. Today I am going to begin by telling you a little about my short career in the army and then I will relate to you the funniest dream I ever had.  After that you’ll have the opportunity to hear each original sentence and repeat it twice, and to do the same for sentences very close in meaning to the original ones.

Before we begin, let me explain a few terms you may not know.  In the army, the rank of private is the lowest rank. Two ranks above private is the rank of sergeant.  A company in the army is a group of about 200 soldiers.  The company sergeant has day-to-day responsibility for the company.  In the military, the word bunk is used for “bed.”  To stand at attention means to stand straight with your two arms by your side and your eyes looking directly ahead. Finally, New Jersey is a state in the northeast of the United States.

Now just listen.

Years ago I was in the army for six months.  It was an opportunity to serve my country, to get into better physical shape , and to give my brain a rest. I was stationed in a training camp in New Jersey. My rank was private, the lowest rank. That’s how I started  and I never advanced.

I had a very funny dream about my army time.  Here it is:

I received a message to report to the company sergeant.   I was a little nervous about this.   The sergeant was not a pleasant person.   I entered his office and stood at attention.   The sergeant looked up at me coldly.    “Rosen,” he said,  “you are one terrible soldier. You don’t know left from right when you march.  Your bunk looks like it was in a tornado. You never take orders in a serious manner. Your general behavior is way below standard. You have to learn a lesson.

“Three groups are going to be punished tomorrow.  One group will go 24 hours without food.     One group will go 24 hours without water.  One group will go 24 hours without sleep.  But you’re going to have special punishment.  You’re  going to spend 8 hours with the first group.     Then 8 hours with the second group.  And 8 hours with the third group.”

I knew my punishment was no punishment.   I would have plenty of sleep, food and water the next day.  I woke up smiling.

They say there are three ways to do things.  The right way, the wrong way, and the Army way.  You can guess which two I prefer.

Listen and repeat.

Years ago I was in the army for six months.

Years back I was enlisted in the army for six months.

It was an opportunity to serve my country….

It gave me a chance to do something for my country…

…to get into better physical shape

…to improve my physical wellbeing

…and to give my brain a rest.

…and to rest my brain.

I was stationed in a training camp in New Jersey.

I was posted to a training camp in New Jersey.

My rank was private, the lowest rank.

I had the lowest rank possible, that of private.

That’s how I started ….

That’s how I started out….

… and I never advanced.

…and I never progressed

I had a very funny dream about my army time.

I dreamed a hilarious dream about my army stay.

Here it is.

Here’s what it was.

I received a message to report to the company sergeant.

I got word to report to the company sergeant.

I was a little nervous about this.

This made me a little nervous.

The sergeant was not a pleasant person.

The sergeant had a miserable disposition.

I entered his office and stood at attention.

I went into his office and stood at attention.

The sergeant looked up at me coldly.

The sergeant regarded me with a cold stare.

“Rosen,” he said, “you are one terrible soldier.”

He said, “Rosen, you are a pitiful soldier.”

“You don’t know left from right when you march.”

“You march like you have two left feet.”

“Your bunk looks like it was in a tornado.”

“Your bunk looks like a cyclone hit it.”

“You never take orders in a serious manner.”

“Your response to orders is far from serious.”

“Your general behavior is way below standard.”

“Your behavior, in general, leaves much to be desired.”

“You have to learn a lesson.”

“You have to be taught a lesson.”

“Three groups are going to be punished tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, three groups will be undergoing punishment.”

“One group will go 24 hours without food.”

“One group will have no food for 24 hours.”

“One group will go 24 hours without water.”

“One group will go without water for 24 hours.”

“One group will go 24 hours without sleep.”

“One group will not get any sleep for 24 hours.”

“But you’re going to have special punishment.”

“But I have a special punishment for you.”

“You’re  going to spend eight hours with the first group.”

“You’re  going to be with the first group for eight hours.”

“Then eight hours with the second group.”

“This will be followed by eight hours with the second group.”

“And eight hours with the third group.”

“And finally you’ll have eight hours with the third group.”

I knew my punishment was no punishment.

I saw that this was no punishment at all.

I would have plenty of sleep, food and water the next day.

The next day I wouldn’t lack for sleep, food, or water.

I woke up smiling.

I woke up with a smile on my face.

They say there are three ways to do things.

It is said there are three ways to do things.

The right way, the wrong way, and the Army way.

Namely, the right way, the wrong way, and the army way.

You can guess which two I prefer.

You can well imagine my two favorites.

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The ESL Aloud podcast lessons are designed for people who want to increase their abilities in speaking English as a second language (ESL).